Finding Progress

So far, my journey into the arts has been chaos. Like my great uncle Pete talking about the free love 60’s, “I’ve done a bit of everything”. Trying many departments, companies and corners of the industry. But once I set my sights on writing, directing and developing film and TV, my free time at least has been focussed. I write and develop my projects every day that I can. I work with my writer friends on theirs. I’m constantly trying to improve my craft and the quality of the scripts I produce. But the next step is having the mental freedom to write and develop without guilt. Guilt that can only be squandered with financial stability (at least, at a minimum to get by).

I’ve been lucky to get my first paid gig this year, found through hiring an actor for my short, who later hired me back to write an adventure pilot set in her sci-fi universe. Prior to that, my script The Reveal was optioned and I was commissioned to develop it into 3 scripts and a bible. Acting is likely the hardest nut to crack of them all and for both projects, an actor has taken the tough tumultuous task of breaking past their perceived ceilings by developing projects for them to be in. Not asking for permission and using their knowledge and drive to create their own path. It’s quite inspiring for a writer who is still trying to truly ‘break in’.

But when you still need to pay the bills, I find it hard to notice the progress. People get excited for me, and then I have to question the life inside of me. Those three milestones (the option, the commission, the paid gig) are huge for a writer at the start of their career. Having only began writing in 2018, I should feel motivated in a success driven manner. Instead, it’s still fear based. Which may or may not be very unhealthy (gets shit done though!).

My short term goals are fairly simple: get paid enough to sustain myself in writing and directing and/or development. But all are difficult and aren’t a given that one can progress into them. And they are the most desired and competitive positions (beyond acting) for obvious reasons. So one half of my brain is saying, the above progress is valid reason to keep going, keep the foot on the pedal, don’t slow down. And the other half is saying, what if this is it and you’re missing out on life by living the broke artist dream. Which makes it tough to believe in the progress, but I’m learning from my optimistic peers to believe it is. Whilst keeping my logical brain at ease by constantly aiming to improve and to find opportunities for myself. Besides, I love writing, I love directing and I love developing, I’m gonna do them regardless, so I might as well believe I can do it for career. I now just need to believe in the progress.